Evolutionary Love

One possible definition of Love is merging with and integrating the Other until our sense of self expands to encompass them. We then repeat this process with every resonant Other, whether outwardly or through inner transcendence, until we become the totality of what we truly are.

This involves decentering the individual self and gradually including the full spectrum of our authentic awareness, beyond all veils and illusion. As our definition of Self continues to refine and upgrade, it expands across ever larger holons.¹

The process of awakening expands Love from needing others for survival, to genuinely appreciating them as beings that exist in their own right, to seeing and honoring their deepest essence, to realizing that we always and already are in Unity with them. Like a spectrum from red to ultraviolet where every color is essential and part of the whole, yet only those toward the upper end of the spectrum have the intrinsic awareness of what they are. And yet the “higher” levels do not discard the “lower” ones, they simply integrate them with greater fluidity, ease and agency.

For instance, realizing yourself as cosmic does not mean that “you” no longer have personal needs, but it is much easier to have your needs met when you are harmony and flow with all of existence, rather than seeing other “selves” as being outside and apart from you. And so competition gradually becomes cooperation, which gradually becomes the felt realization that we’re participating in a grand musical performance harmonizing with other instruments that are essentially us as well; and from that point, even the most dissonant music is felt as perfect and beautiful, and there is never again a wrong note.

This is essentially Spiral Dynamics² applied in a relational manner - evolving from unconscious lack of differentiation and amniotic merging, to conscious Self-realization that unites with all, with many stages along the way. (There is much to say on how Spiral Dynamics applies to relationships, through and beyond those conceived as the meeting of two individual selves - please leave a comment if this interests you and I’ll consider writing future articles about it.)

Evolution of the physical organism, the sense of selfhood, social bonds, and Spirit itself are eventually seen as different facets of the same primary force that always pulls us toward greater levels of complexity, wholeness and completion. Until that complexity eventually morphs again into a great, primordial simplicity: breath and heartbeat. Eyes open, softly gazing. Beholding the magic and mystery of existence. Silence that innocently contains all there is to know, without the necessity of speaking a single word.

1. Holon is a term used by Ken Wilber in his Integral Theory. If you want to learn more about this concept, check out Integral Spirituality or Sex, Ecology and Spirituality.

2. If you’re not familiar with Spiral Dynamics, I recommend these video playlists: the basic foundations by Leo Gura, and more advanced material by Shores of Infinity